Luciana Arbus-Scandiffio

INDEX OF ME

alphabetically I am often the first
bastard of roll call bashful and beady-eyed
child of Linda and Marguerite I was born through
donor-insemination which makes me dangerous!
every day I am a daughter and every day I
field calls from unknown numbers on my phone hello
gainesville hello hoosick falls you could be anyone
holding me at arms length there are half-siblings I’ve never met
I know Eli (ten months older) who lives in seattle with his mothers I was
joking when I dangled his lucky blanket over the grill there was a
kite flying overhead we were sleeping in a tent
like wombats we bonded over the fountain of our faces drank too
much limeade couldn’t find mars back home in
new jersey I was dim as a statue I spoke
only through signals wore a funny green hat was
private preferred mustard sat in the schoolyard like a
quilt sniffed flowers sniffed the social worker when she
ran out of games walked home on Wednesdays
struck through “father’s name” with a pen
tried my best at badminton brought lunch in a paper bag
untied the borrowed sweater waved hi to principal
Vance at lunch they asked me whichisyourrealmom
whosthedad I am eight but I will take an
X-ACTO knife to your face you’d never see me coming
you’d only see a flurry of hands I am a
zoo I am a zoo and I will make a mess of you